The other photo is what I found when I walked into the family room after brunch on Christmas morning. This is my little brother, Travis, and his incredibly cuddly little monster, Kujo. An hour later, I tied a glittery green ribbon around Kujo’s neck because I just couldn’t resist, and my brother called me a mean name.

I’ve never really been one for making New Year’s resolutions. Of course, each year, as December draws to a close, I start to think of all the things that happened during the year, and I will inevitably find habits, patterns, or attitudes in myself that I would like to change going forward. I’ll also think of things I would have liked to have accomplished but didn’t. And all too often, those things carry over from one year to the next.

Eventually, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions because I never kept them anyway. I hardly even tried (which is, of course, the reason for my failure) and instead of addressing that failure, I have attempted to avoid it by simply not making any resolutions. That way, I haven’t set myself up for disappointment before I’ve even started the year.

But this year, I’m going to approach it differently.

I’m tired of going from one year to the next, realizing I’m still making the same mistakes, still looking at things the same way, still not learning to do that thing I’ve always wanted to learn to do, still not breaking that bad habit. And sure, these are things I need to focus on all year long, not just at the beginning, when it’s new and fresh and exciting but then allowing it to taper off after about a month when the novelty has worn off and it’s no longer as shiny and new and now there are buttons missing and a loose thread somewhere, and someone ran off with one piece and it’s just not the same anymore.

I’ve spent the past few weeks thinking of things that I know I need to focus on in my life, and I’ve had a hard time narrowing it down to just a few. I don’t want to overwhelm myself, because that’s a foolproof recipe for failure, and oddly enough, also the very first resolution I knew without a doubt I needed to make for 2012.

Resolution #1 – Learn To Say NO.

I’ve never been good at saying ‘no’ to anyone. If there’s something that someone asks of me, and especially if it’s something I actually do want to do, I can’t say no even though I know that I already have eleventy billion things on my plate and there just isn’t room. I take it on anyway, and I’m really excited about it, but then I get overwhelmed, and I can’t keep up, and then I can’t finish everything (and sometimes I finish nothing) and on top of that, I have guilt eating at me from the inside out for not being reliable or accountable and in 2012 I need to just stop and be realistic with myself about what I’m capable of taking on at once so that I don’t spread myself too thin and wind up beating myself up. And I need to learn to listen to my instincts, know what I need, and make sure that I’m making time for that, too. Stop trying to please everyone else, because I’m letting myself fall apart.

Speaking of making time for myself…

Resolution #2 – Take Care of ME. No, Really, Take CARE of ME.

I spend a LOT of time worried about other people: what they think, what they need, what they’re doing, what they had for breakfast, whether or not they’re happy, genuinely happy, and wondering how they do it and manage to look so awesome. And all that ever gets me is depressed. Feeling inadequate. Wondering why I can’t be like them.

I do this a lot with the Internet, comparing my life to the seemingly-perfect lives of the people on the other side of the screen. And that is no way to live, and it makes the whole thing so much less enjoyable. No one is perfect. No one has a perfect life, and I know in the back of my mind that most people just leave out the bad stuff. That’s the beauty of this blog thing — you can say as much or as little as you want, and you never have to tell the whole story if you don’t want to.

On top of that, I can sit and think of a billion different ways to take care of myself and then never follow through with any of them. So this year, I’m following through. Need to eat better? Cook more vegetables, bake fewer cupcakes. Want to learn to play that guitar finally? Sign up for a class. Watch a few videos on YouTube. There are resources out there that actually make it pretty easy. Need a creative outlet? Pick up your paintbrushes. They’re sitting in a closet getting rusty. Take pictures. Organize something. Decorate. For the love of God, WRITE SOMETHING. And stop worrying about what anyone will think of what you create, because you’re not doing it for them. Gained a few pounds? Get off your ass and hit the gym. Sign up for that membership that you get for a very reasonable rate through your employer. Make a twice-weekly date with your yoga mat – you won’t regret it. You will NEVER regret going to a yoga class. You will usually regret spending the entire evening on the couch instead.

Take action. Stop being passive. Listen to what your body, mind, and soul are telling you that they need, and then FEED THEM. They’re starving.

And another way to take care of me…

Resolution #3 – Go To Bed Early.

That’s it. Go to bed early.

I’m a night owl. Always have been. I’m not as bad as, say, my boyfriend, who will regularly stay up til 2 or 3 just because, but I rarely make it to bed before midnight. As a result, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. My whole day consistently runs ten to fifteen minutes late, thrown off by my late start.

For years now, I’ve wanted to be a morning person. I really do love the mornings — I love the way the morning sun lights the sky, I love being awake in quiet hours before anyone else, I love the way the air feels. But I always miss the mornings, because no matter how much I love them, I love my bed more. And since I don’t go to bed early enough, I never feel like I’ve had enough time to spend in it.

So in 2012, I want to go to bed early. Then I want to wake up early. I want to start my day earlier, have an actual morning before going to work, wake up, accomplish something, and maybe shift my days from “three steps behind” to “two steps ahead,” or at the very least, right on time. I’m tired of always being late, rushing, stressing out, forgetting things in my hurry. I want to be awake, prepared, and early.

—————————————————

So those are my three New Year’s resolutions for 2012. I think these three things will help me to accomplish so many of the things that I tend to beat myself up over, cutting down on my stress and helping me to manage what’s left over. And I also think that these three things will help me learn to give myself a break. I don’t want to spend another year stressed out, frazzled, depressed, and feeling like I haven’t made any progress. I want to move forward, and at the end of the year, I want to feel like I’ve grown, like I’ve accomplished and learned something and taken a few more steps toward becoming the version of myself that I like the best. The happy one.

So what are your plans for the New Year? What do you want to accomplish? What habit(s) are you hellbent on breaking? 2012 is your year. What do you plan to do with it?

In the meantime, here’s a little sneak peek.

SHOCKING.

I pretty much owe you an entire month’s worth of things I’m grateful for, and maybe one of these days I’ll get to that but for right now I’ve got some other things that I want to talk about.

Like how I get to go home to Virginia and see my family in 9 days and I am PEE-MY-PANTS EXCITED. I haven’t seen my family since last Christmas, and if it wasn’t for the internet and the fact that my mother finally learned how to use a laptop, webcam, and Google Talk, I probably wouldn’t even remember what any of them look like. And that also has a lot to do with the fact that three of my favorite family members change every single day because they are growing up so fast and I’m missing it.

Last year, this is what my sister’s three beautiful children looked like:

Here’s a photo of the three of them taken about two months ago:

{photo credit: daniel toney photography}

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

They are full-blown little people. There’s a red-haired child where a baby used to be. I can’t wait to see their faces and nibble their cheeks and spend a week and a half spoiling them and soaking up every minute.

Okay, sorry about the mushy stuff. MOVING ON.

It’s officially Christmas season, so I have a perfectly good excuse to spend all of my time making/baking/eating treats and delicious foods, and I kicked off the season with homemade truffles. Also on the list this season? Gingerbread men, sugar cookies, homemade Chex mix, something fancy with peppermint, and a peanut butter log. Stay tuned!

There’s plenty more, but I’m falling asleep on the couch as I write this so I’m calling it a night. Be back soon, hopefully with something delicious to share!

What was I saying?

OH. IT’S NOVEMBER.

How exactly did that happen?

So anyway, I’ve seen a few people start this neat little thing for this November — no, I’m not talking about Movember, or even the slightly-less-legit No-Shave November, because I’m not entirely convinced that the majority of the people who will participate can really pull off that rugged look (and hipster-manicured mustaches don’t count, because trimming counts as shaving when it comes to No-Shave November) — where each day they write or post something they are thankful for on that day. Isn’t that precious?

And because I’m fairly certain that we could all benefit from showing a little more gratitude, I’m going to play along.

Today, I am thankful for a little bit of sunshine, the fireplace in my house, the sense of accomplishment I got from not skipping my yoga class, Stouffer’s frozen lasagna, and the boyfriend who put it in the oven and made a salad while I was on my way home, without even being asked.

See what I did there? I gave you more than one, so now if I forget to do this for the next four days, I’M COVERED.

What are you thankful for today?

Although I did have one guy who came around saying he was with the Portland Police Department, and he was collecting goodies for children who are unable to trick-or-treat on Halloween. Whether that’s true or not, that guy got some candy from me because I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the person who told him the disabled children couldn’t have any candy.

Look, I’m sidetracked already!

This year was the first year I’ve ever had trick-or-treaters come to my home — since I grew up out in the sticks where the houses are too far apart and I’ve lived in apartments ever since then — and boy did I learn a few things.

1. Don’t buy the candy so early in the season that you wind up eating it all before Halloween. You actually WILL get trick-or-treaters, and you’ll be embarrassed when all you have left is Whoppers.

2. BUY ENOUGH CANDY. My house is located in an actual neighborhood, which I completely forgot when I spent the past three days telling myself, “It’s okay. You don’t need to get more candy, because you probably won’t even have any trick-or-treaters. This will totally be enough.” Between 6:30 and 7:30 pm I had about 35 children, 7 or 8 preteens, and 1 old man come to my house and ring my doorbell, and I have a feeling they were just getting started. I turned out the porch light when I saw a group of about twenty coming up the sidewalk, because I had nothing left to give.

3. Wear a costume — it’s just more fun that way. I really should have pulled out last year’s Evil Queen costume to hand out the candy. It’s super fast and easy, because all it really requires is the black shroud (which I still have), dark red lipstick, and an apple. Instead, I was handing out candy in a black-and-white-striped shirt and an orange scarf, which, while festive, is not nearly as much fun as an actual costume.

4. Decorate more (& better). Seriously, the people across the street totally rocked it, although it doesn’t hurt that their house pretty much does all the work for them. Ever since we moved in, I’ve been looking forward to Halloween just to see it decorated because IT LOOKS LIKE A HAUNTED HOUSE. And these people did an awesome job — giant pumpkins, cobwebs, flickering upstairs lights — the whole nine. And all I have is a few hastily-strewn cobwebs and a handful of jack-o-lanterns. (Although I should point out that my jack-o-lantern collection was totally complimented by more than one group of parents, the most impressive of which came from the dad who built his little boy A LIGHT-UP ROBOT COSTUME. So I’d like to give a shout-out to my awesome pumpkin-carving friends: Cortney, Chris, Jeff, Josh, Kate, Sam, Doni, and JT.)

5. Variety. Quantity of candy is obviously more important, which is why it’s closer to the top of the list. However, when all you have to hand out is Hershey’s Kisses and Whoppers, no one is going to be very excited. Get the variety packs, and even though I’ve already said this, it bears repeating: DON’T EAT ALL THE GOOD STUFF BEFORE HALLOWEEN. It’s for the children.

Last night while I was at a friend’s house, I spent a few hours drinking wine, cooking spaghetti, and brainstorming/chatting with my lady friends, then we laughed our asses off at this, this, this, and this, and then I found out my car got towed. And by “my car” I mean “my boyfriend’s car that he lets me drive because he loves me and he’s really nice.”

I don’t know if you’ve ever had your car towed before (I hadn’t), but it’s not fun. And it’s expensive.

So because in some twisted way I think it will make me feel better about the situation, here’s a list of Things I Would Rather Have Spent $300 On Than Getting My Car Back From The Parking Vultures!

• New fall boots and sweaters!
• Plane tickets to see my family
• Approximately two-fifths of an iPad
• Haircut, highlights, manicure, pedicure, and a massage
• A Christmas present for my boyfriend
• One-fourth of a tropical vacation
• Any portion of any vacation
• A year and a half’s worth of contacts
• Two and a half weeks’ worth of groceries
• Twelve bottles of Bulleit Bourbon
• Ten weeks’ worth of gas for the car
• A fancy new lens for my camera
• Four months’ worth of dog food
• Six months’ worth of car insurance
• A year’s supply of Sour Patch Kids
• Fifty-six and a half Triple Grande Pumpkin Spice Lattes
• Twelve and a half movies, with a small popcorn and a small drink

Hey look! I made you something:

It’s a couple of things I really dig, and I made it for you on Polyvore, which, along with Pinterest, is my new favorite time-suck. Seriously, I have to physically remove myself from the internet in order to do anything with my life besides pin pictures of food and interior spaces, or piece together sets of clothing and colors and patterns that I think look pretty. These two sites excel at one thing: making me feel creative when really all I did was stare at my computer for three hours clicking! on! all! the! things! 

Hi, I’ve missed you.  :)

I have a really exciting announcement to make! And it’s something that’s been in the works for a couple of weeks now, but first I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to jinx it, and then I didn’t want to say anything just for the purposes of general discretion and things of that nature, but now I can finally say it because it’s official and it’s okay and because now it’s fully mine to do with it what I want!

I got a new job!

If you’re Facebook-friends with me, then you already knew that. Except only if you’ve been paying attention in the past half hour because I just now updated my work information on the ‘book. Like I couldn’t wait to do it or something.

Today was my last day at my current (or I guess now past) job, and it was kind of bittersweet, as leaving a job can sometimes be. I will miss working with my coworkers, and I will miss some of the people I encountered on a daily basis, but others I will not. I’m excited about the new opportunities in front of me, particularly about the idea of doing something different. My new job is quite a leap from what I’ve done in the past, which has all been based around the real estate industry, and now I’m moving into tech PR, which is pretty much a perfect fit for me. It’s a welcome change, and I’m very excited for this new adventure!

You know me well enough by now to know that I won’t go into much detail here about what I do or where I work, because as much as I would love for this blog to be my place to bare my heart and soul, I draw the line at airing my dirty laundry. Because no one likes to smell that.

Also, because that gets people fired.

But yay! New job! Very excited. I had habanero martinis tonight to celebrate.

So let me tell you a short story about my beautiful niece, Rachel, who turned six last week. (Actually, let’s take a minute to talk about that, because I’m pretty sure she was just born last week.)

(None of these things happened last week.)

Since my sister broke her ankle in like, four places a couple of months ago, her three children have been staying at my parents’ house pretty much all the time. And my sister pretty much copycatted my mom and dad with the way she had children–two girls and a baby boy–except at least she spaced them out a year or two (love you, Mom!) So for my parents, this is like circa 1989 all over again, except now they’re in their fifties and trying to, I don’t know, not take care of three small children. That’s my assumption, at least. But I know they’re having a blast and enjoying every second of this bonus time with their grandchildren, because every time I talk to them they have another story to tell of just what those kids have had them doing.

Last week, my mom told me about how on Tuesday (the day before Rachel’s birthday), the two of them were out shopping and running errands when Rachel saw a backpack and lunchbox she wanted for school next year. She’s starting first grade in September, so it’s like, kind of a big deal.

So she said, “Nana, I want this backpack for first grade! I love it!”

My mom told her that the backpack was great, but that it would probably be a good idea to check with Mommy to make sure she hadn’t already found a backpack for Rachel. So she called my sister.

My sister informed my mother that there was a backpack with matching lunchbox at Target that she had seen, and she was just sure Rachel was going to love it. So my mom told Rachel this, and said, “Let’s go look at that backpack and see if you like it, and if you don’t then we can come back here and get this one.” Rachel agreed, “Okay, Nana, I’ll go look.” Like a sensible, flexible adult.

They went to Target and looked at all eighteen backpacks on the shelf, and finally Rachel turned to my mom and said, “Nana, I just don’t think I like any of these backpacks.” And my mom pointed out that the one her mommy had liked for her had a matching lunchbox.

Rachel just shook her head and said, “No, Nana, I don’t think I like for everything to match.”

So they agreed that they should go back and get the other backpack and lunchbox that she liked, and as they were walking out of the store hand-in-hand my mom explained that she thinks my sister was just concerned that Rachel would change her mind between now and the time school starts, because it’s still so far away.

And this is the good part.

Rachel stopped walking, looked at my mom and said, “Nana. I am quite certain I am not making a mistake.”

::blink::

::blink:: ::blink::

Seriously, Rachel?! YOU’RE SIX YEARS OLD.

Ever since my mom told me that story, I won’t lie, I’ve kind of felt a little bit like a failure because at twenty-five years old there is not one thing in my life that I can say with that level of conviction that I am quite certain about.

At six years old, this girl knows that her personal sense of style doesn’t necessarily involve matching items. For example, her backpack and lunchbox don’t match perfectly (though they are both from the movie Tangled), and all of her school supplies are Phineas and Ferb. She knows exactly what she wants, and once she’s made up her mind she is steadfast and unwavering. And also incredibly stubborn (this is a trait I know well).

At twenty-five, I feel like I change my mind weekly about everything from my favorite color to whether or not I think I might ever want to have children to whether I want my hair short or long or whether I feel like cooking dinner tonight. You should have seen me in OfficeMax tonight trying to pick out a mouse for my laptop; you would think I was choosing the hair color I had to stick with for the rest of my life. I can’t commit to anything without at least spending some time wondering if I’ve made the right choice, and here is my six year old niece saying without a shred of doubt that she was quite certain she was not making a mistake. And it may have only been a backpack and lunchbox that she’ll use for one year at school (if it lasts that long), but when you’re six years old one year is a long time. And your backpack and lunchbox say a lot about your character. At six years old, this is important. And she is certain.

Maybe I should just start asking Rachel to make all of my important life-altering decisions for me.