some of my favorite boys.

This is my nephew, Evan, with his shirt stuck on his head because I was having trouble with these things called “buttons.” This was about four hours after I got off the plane, exhausted and jet-lagged, but so incredibly excited to see him. And then this happened, and he just sat there looking at me with this face that said, “Really? Really, lady?”

The other photo is what I found when I walked into the family room after brunch on Christmas morning. This is my little brother, Travis, and his incredibly cuddly little monster, Kujo. An hour later, I tied a glittery green ribbon around Kujo’s neck because I just couldn’t resist, and my brother called me a mean name.

resolution.

I’ve never really been one for making New Year’s resolutions. Of course, each year, as December draws to a close, I start to think of all the things that happened during the year, and I will inevitably find habits, patterns, or attitudes in myself that I would like to change going forward. I’ll also think of things I would have liked to have accomplished but didn’t. And all too often, those things carry over from one year to the next.

Eventually, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions because I never kept them anyway. I hardly even tried (which is, of course, the reason for my failure) and instead of addressing that failure, I have attempted to avoid it by simply not making any resolutions. That way, I haven’t set myself up for disappointment before I’ve even started the year.

But this year, I’m going to approach it differently.

I’m tired of going from one year to the next, realizing I’m still making the same mistakes, still looking at things the same way, still not learning to do that thing I’ve always wanted to learn to do, still not breaking that bad habit. And sure, these are things I need to focus on all year long, not just at the beginning, when it’s new and fresh and exciting but then allowing it to taper off after about a month when the novelty has worn off and it’s no longer as shiny and new and now there are buttons missing and a loose thread somewhere, and someone ran off with one piece and it’s just not the same anymore.

I’ve spent the past few weeks thinking of things that I know I need to focus on in my life, and I’ve had a hard time narrowing it down to just a few. I don’t want to overwhelm myself, because that’s a foolproof recipe for failure, and oddly enough, also the very first resolution I knew without a doubt I needed to make for 2012.

Resolution #1 – Learn To Say NO.

I’ve never been good at saying ‘no’ to anyone. If there’s something that someone asks of me, and especially if it’s something I actually do want to do, I can’t say no even though I know that I already have eleventy billion things on my plate and there just isn’t room. I take it on anyway, and I’m really excited about it, but then I get overwhelmed, and I can’t keep up, and then I can’t finish everything (and sometimes I finish nothing) and on top of that, I have guilt eating at me from the inside out for not being reliable or accountable and in 2012 I need to just stop and be realistic with myself about what I’m capable of taking on at once so that I don’t spread myself too thin and wind up beating myself up. And I need to learn to listen to my instincts, know what I need, and make sure that I’m making time for that, too. Stop trying to please everyone else, because I’m letting myself fall apart.

Speaking of making time for myself…

Resolution #2 – Take Care of ME. No, Really, Take CARE of ME.

I spend a LOT of time worried about other people: what they think, what they need, what they’re doing, what they had for breakfast, whether or not they’re happy, genuinely happy, and wondering how they do it and manage to look so awesome. And all that ever gets me is depressed. Feeling inadequate. Wondering why I can’t be like them.

I do this a lot with the Internet, comparing my life to the seemingly-perfect lives of the people on the other side of the screen. And that is no way to live, and it makes the whole thing so much less enjoyable. No one is perfect. No one has a perfect life, and I know in the back of my mind that most people just leave out the bad stuff. That’s the beauty of this blog thing — you can say as much or as little as you want, and you never have to tell the whole story if you don’t want to.

On top of that, I can sit and think of a billion different ways to take care of myself and then never follow through with any of them. So this year, I’m following through. Need to eat better? Cook more vegetables, bake fewer cupcakes. Want to learn to play that guitar finally? Sign up for a class. Watch a few videos on YouTube. There are resources out there that actually make it pretty easy. Need a creative outlet? Pick up your paintbrushes. They’re sitting in a closet getting rusty. Take pictures. Organize something. Decorate. For the love of God, WRITE SOMETHING. And stop worrying about what anyone will think of what you create, because you’re not doing it for them. Gained a few pounds? Get off your ass and hit the gym. Sign up for that membership that you get for a very reasonable rate through your employer. Make a twice-weekly date with your yoga mat – you won’t regret it. You will NEVER regret going to a yoga class. You will usually regret spending the entire evening on the couch instead.

Take action. Stop being passive. Listen to what your body, mind, and soul are telling you that they need, and then FEED THEM. They’re starving.

And another way to take care of me…

Resolution #3 – Go To Bed Early.

That’s it. Go to bed early.

I’m a night owl. Always have been. I’m not as bad as, say, my boyfriend, who will regularly stay up til 2 or 3 just because, but I rarely make it to bed before midnight. As a result, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. My whole day consistently runs ten to fifteen minutes late, thrown off by my late start.

For years now, I’ve wanted to be a morning person. I really do love the mornings — I love the way the morning sun lights the sky, I love being awake in quiet hours before anyone else, I love the way the air feels. But I always miss the mornings, because no matter how much I love them, I love my bed more. And since I don’t go to bed early enough, I never feel like I’ve had enough time to spend in it.

So in 2012, I want to go to bed early. Then I want to wake up early. I want to start my day earlier, have an actual morning before going to work, wake up, accomplish something, and maybe shift my days from “three steps behind” to “two steps ahead,” or at the very least, right on time. I’m tired of always being late, rushing, stressing out, forgetting things in my hurry. I want to be awake, prepared, and early.

—————————————————

So those are my three New Year’s resolutions for 2012. I think these three things will help me to accomplish so many of the things that I tend to beat myself up over, cutting down on my stress and helping me to manage what’s left over. And I also think that these three things will help me learn to give myself a break. I don’t want to spend another year stressed out, frazzled, depressed, and feeling like I haven’t made any progress. I want to move forward, and at the end of the year, I want to feel like I’ve grown, like I’ve accomplished and learned something and taken a few more steps toward becoming the version of myself that I like the best. The happy one.

So what are your plans for the New Year? What do you want to accomplish? What habit(s) are you hellbent on breaking? 2012 is your year. What do you plan to do with it?

sneak peek: home for christmas.

On Wednesday afternoon I returned from a week and a half at home in Virginia, where I celebrated birthdays and Christmas, homecomings and an engagement, family and friendships. I soaked up every possible second of it, and it went by way too fast. I have tons of photos, but I’m still working on organizing them and making them look pretty, and I promise I’ll share as soon as I can.

In the meantime, here’s a little sneak peek.

and the next thing i knew, it was december.

Um, you guys? This blogging thing? Yeah, it turns out I’m really bad at it.

SHOCKING.

I pretty much owe you an entire month’s worth of things I’m grateful for, and maybe one of these days I’ll get to that but for right now I’ve got some other things that I want to talk about.

Like how I get to go home to Virginia and see my family in 9 days and I am PEE-MY-PANTS EXCITED. I haven’t seen my family since last Christmas, and if it wasn’t for the internet and the fact that my mother finally learned how to use a laptop, webcam, and Google Talk, I probably wouldn’t even remember what any of them look like. And that also has a lot to do with the fact that three of my favorite family members change every single day because they are growing up so fast and I’m missing it.

Last year, this is what my sister’s three beautiful children looked like:

Here’s a photo of the three of them taken about two months ago:

{photo credit: daniel toney photography}

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

They are full-blown little people. There’s a red-haired child where a baby used to be. I can’t wait to see their faces and nibble their cheeks and spend a week and a half spoiling them and soaking up every minute.

Okay, sorry about the mushy stuff. MOVING ON.

It’s officially Christmas season, so I have a perfectly good excuse to spend all of my time making/baking/eating treats and delicious foods, and I kicked off the season with homemade truffles. Also on the list this season? Gingerbread men, sugar cookies, homemade Chex mix, something fancy with peppermint, and a peanut butter log. Stay tuned!

There’s plenty more, but I’m falling asleep on the couch as I write this so I’m calling it a night. Be back soon, hopefully with something delicious to share!

november, huh?

I’m going to try to make this quick because it’s after my bedtime and I appear to have a habit of finally deciding to write about something when I’m procrastinating on getting off my ass to go to bed.

What was I saying?

OH. IT’S NOVEMBER.

How exactly did that happen?

So anyway, I’ve seen a few people start this neat little thing for this November — no, I’m not talking about Movember, or even the slightly-less-legit No-Shave November, because I’m not entirely convinced that the majority of the people who will participate can really pull off that rugged look (and hipster-manicured mustaches don’t count, because trimming counts as shaving when it comes to No-Shave November) — where each day they write or post something they are thankful for on that day. Isn’t that precious?

And because I’m fairly certain that we could all benefit from showing a little more gratitude, I’m going to play along.

Today, I am thankful for a little bit of sunshine, the fireplace in my house, the sense of accomplishment I got from not skipping my yoga class, Stouffer’s frozen lasagna, and the boyfriend who put it in the oven and made a salad while I was on my way home, without even being asked.

See what I did there? I gave you more than one, so now if I forget to do this for the next four days, I’M COVERED.

What are you thankful for today?

notes from trick-or-treating, vol. 1

No, I wasn’t trick-or-treating, I’m an adult.

Although I did have one guy who came around saying he was with the Portland Police Department, and he was collecting goodies for children who are unable to trick-or-treat on Halloween. Whether that’s true or not, that guy got some candy from me because I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the person who told him the disabled children couldn’t have any candy.

Look, I’m sidetracked already!

This year was the first year I’ve ever had trick-or-treaters come to my home — since I grew up out in the sticks where the houses are too far apart and I’ve lived in apartments ever since then — and boy did I learn a few things.

1. Don’t buy the candy so early in the season that you wind up eating it all before Halloween. You actually WILL get trick-or-treaters, and you’ll be embarrassed when all you have left is Whoppers.

2. BUY ENOUGH CANDY. My house is located in an actual neighborhood, which I completely forgot when I spent the past three days telling myself, “It’s okay. You don’t need to get more candy, because you probably won’t even have any trick-or-treaters. This will totally be enough.” Between 6:30 and 7:30 pm I had about 35 children, 7 or 8 preteens, and 1 old man come to my house and ring my doorbell, and I have a feeling they were just getting started. I turned out the porch light when I saw a group of about twenty coming up the sidewalk, because I had nothing left to give.

3. Wear a costume — it’s just more fun that way. I really should have pulled out last year’s Evil Queen costume to hand out the candy. It’s super fast and easy, because all it really requires is the black shroud (which I still have), dark red lipstick, and an apple. Instead, I was handing out candy in a black-and-white-striped shirt and an orange scarf, which, while festive, is not nearly as much fun as an actual costume.

4. Decorate more (& better). Seriously, the people across the street totally rocked it, although it doesn’t hurt that their house pretty much does all the work for them. Ever since we moved in, I’ve been looking forward to Halloween just to see it decorated because IT LOOKS LIKE A HAUNTED HOUSE. And these people did an awesome job — giant pumpkins, cobwebs, flickering upstairs lights — the whole nine. And all I have is a few hastily-strewn cobwebs and a handful of jack-o-lanterns. (Although I should point out that my jack-o-lantern collection was totally complimented by more than one group of parents, the most impressive of which came from the dad who built his little boy A LIGHT-UP ROBOT COSTUME. So I’d like to give a shout-out to my awesome pumpkin-carving friends: Cortney, Chris, Jeff, Josh, Kate, Sam, Doni, and JT.)

5. Variety. Quantity of candy is obviously more important, which is why it’s closer to the top of the list. However, when all you have to hand out is Hershey’s Kisses and Whoppers, no one is going to be very excited. Get the variety packs, and even though I’ve already said this, it bears repeating: DON’T EAT ALL THE GOOD STUFF BEFORE HALLOWEEN. It’s for the children.