
I’ve never really been one for making New Year’s resolutions. Of course, each year, as December draws to a close, I start to think of all the things that happened during the year, and I will inevitably find habits, patterns, or attitudes in myself that I would like to change going forward. I’ll also think of things I would have liked to have accomplished but didn’t. And all too often, those things carry over from one year to the next.
Eventually, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions because I never kept them anyway. I hardly even tried (which is, of course, the reason for my failure) and instead of addressing that failure, I have attempted to avoid it by simply not making any resolutions. That way, I haven’t set myself up for disappointment before I’ve even started the year.
But this year, I’m going to approach it differently.
I’m tired of going from one year to the next, realizing I’m still making the same mistakes, still looking at things the same way, still not learning to do that thing I’ve always wanted to learn to do, still not breaking that bad habit. And sure, these are things I need to focus on all year long, not just at the beginning, when it’s new and fresh and exciting but then allowing it to taper off after about a month when the novelty has worn off and it’s no longer as shiny and new and now there are buttons missing and a loose thread somewhere, and someone ran off with one piece and it’s just not the same anymore.
I’ve spent the past few weeks thinking of things that I know I need to focus on in my life, and I’ve had a hard time narrowing it down to just a few. I don’t want to overwhelm myself, because that’s a foolproof recipe for failure, and oddly enough, also the very first resolution I knew without a doubt I needed to make for 2012.
Resolution #1 – Learn To Say NO.
I’ve never been good at saying ‘no’ to anyone. If there’s something that someone asks of me, and especially if it’s something I actually do want to do, I can’t say no even though I know that I already have eleventy billion things on my plate and there just isn’t room. I take it on anyway, and I’m really excited about it, but then I get overwhelmed, and I can’t keep up, and then I can’t finish everything (and sometimes I finish nothing) and on top of that, I have guilt eating at me from the inside out for not being reliable or accountable and in 2012 I need to just stop and be realistic with myself about what I’m capable of taking on at once so that I don’t spread myself too thin and wind up beating myself up. And I need to learn to listen to my instincts, know what I need, and make sure that I’m making time for that, too. Stop trying to please everyone else, because I’m letting myself fall apart.
Speaking of making time for myself…
Resolution #2 – Take Care of ME. No, Really, Take CARE of ME.
I spend a LOT of time worried about other people: what they think, what they need, what they’re doing, what they had for breakfast, whether or not they’re happy, genuinely happy, and wondering how they do it and manage to look so awesome. And all that ever gets me is depressed. Feeling inadequate. Wondering why I can’t be like them.
I do this a lot with the Internet, comparing my life to the seemingly-perfect lives of the people on the other side of the screen. And that is no way to live, and it makes the whole thing so much less enjoyable. No one is perfect. No one has a perfect life, and I know in the back of my mind that most people just leave out the bad stuff. That’s the beauty of this blog thing — you can say as much or as little as you want, and you never have to tell the whole story if you don’t want to.
On top of that, I can sit and think of a billion different ways to take care of myself and then never follow through with any of them. So this year, I’m following through. Need to eat better? Cook more vegetables, bake fewer cupcakes. Want to learn to play that guitar finally? Sign up for a class. Watch a few videos on YouTube. There are resources out there that actually make it pretty easy. Need a creative outlet? Pick up your paintbrushes. They’re sitting in a closet getting rusty. Take pictures. Organize something. Decorate. For the love of God, WRITE SOMETHING. And stop worrying about what anyone will think of what you create, because you’re not doing it for them. Gained a few pounds? Get off your ass and hit the gym. Sign up for that membership that you get for a very reasonable rate through your employer. Make a twice-weekly date with your yoga mat – you won’t regret it. You will NEVER regret going to a yoga class. You will usually regret spending the entire evening on the couch instead.
Take action. Stop being passive. Listen to what your body, mind, and soul are telling you that they need, and then FEED THEM. They’re starving.
And another way to take care of me…
Resolution #3 – Go To Bed Early.
That’s it. Go to bed early.
I’m a night owl. Always have been. I’m not as bad as, say, my boyfriend, who will regularly stay up til 2 or 3 just because, but I rarely make it to bed before midnight. As a result, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. My whole day consistently runs ten to fifteen minutes late, thrown off by my late start.
For years now, I’ve wanted to be a morning person. I really do love the mornings — I love the way the morning sun lights the sky, I love being awake in quiet hours before anyone else, I love the way the air feels. But I always miss the mornings, because no matter how much I love them, I love my bed more. And since I don’t go to bed early enough, I never feel like I’ve had enough time to spend in it.
So in 2012, I want to go to bed early. Then I want to wake up early. I want to start my day earlier, have an actual morning before going to work, wake up, accomplish something, and maybe shift my days from “three steps behind” to “two steps ahead,” or at the very least, right on time. I’m tired of always being late, rushing, stressing out, forgetting things in my hurry. I want to be awake, prepared, and early.
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So those are my three New Year’s resolutions for 2012. I think these three things will help me to accomplish so many of the things that I tend to beat myself up over, cutting down on my stress and helping me to manage what’s left over. And I also think that these three things will help me learn to give myself a break. I don’t want to spend another year stressed out, frazzled, depressed, and feeling like I haven’t made any progress. I want to move forward, and at the end of the year, I want to feel like I’ve grown, like I’ve accomplished and learned something and taken a few more steps toward becoming the version of myself that I like the best. The happy one.
So what are your plans for the New Year? What do you want to accomplish? What habit(s) are you hellbent on breaking? 2012 is your year. What do you plan to do with it?